It’s never too late we’ve still got time…

Whether you’ve lost your other half or gone through a bitter divorce, starting a new romance at a mature age can seem like an uphill struggle. So what’s the secret to finding love later in life? How about these pointers for a start…

In case you hadn’t already guessed it, people are living longer, and having more than one partner in life isn’t that unusual. Firstly, my advice is to recognise what might have been invisible to you during your marriage. Flirting, dating and romance for the over 40s is everywhere. You just didn’t see it when you were married because you had no reason to because you were married! The over 40 age group is the fastest growing group of singles on Internet dating services. It’s in the movies; it’s at your church. What’s my point? Being single doesn’t have the stigma it once did. You’re in good company.

Sure, it’s tough to meet new people, especially in Merseyside when it can seem like there’s very little out there in the way of dating and social events and you may also feel that you don’t look like you did at 20. But don’t worry. It’s all step by step. You have to change your attitude. Life is about reinvention. No one person can fix your life. No one person can make you happy. You have to do it yourself and the rest will follow.

The key is to reawaken that playful spirit of dating you had when you were younger. You can’t go into dating looking for “the one.” Waste a little time, have a good laugh. The simple act of getting out there allows you to relearn all of those dating and flirting techniques.

For me there must be two big issues older single people must face. One, the fear of being alone and two the fear of making a mistake. Finding love later on in life is about being comfortable with you. If you fear being alone, you are liable to make a premature commitment. So why not enjoy testing the field. Try dating a number of people. On the flip side, the fear of making a mistake can mean you make snap judgments. Give people a chance. Sure, if you’re getting a bad vibe from the person you shouldn’t stick with it, but don’t rule someone out simply because of they don’t look like Brad Pitt. As you get older I guess it’s OK to know what you want, but make sure what you want isn’t being dictated by a past relationship. You have to let someone new into your life, and they may offer you so many more positive things than your ex did.

So what should you keep in mind while on a date? Why not start by writing down some topics that you feel comfortable with — your love of golf, your passion for art, whatever. Second, hide your pain. You may have reason to feel bitter, angry or lost but make sure you confide those feelings to your friends, not your date. Sure, you may get to know each other and, down the line, share that stuff. Third, find a reason to connect. Ask your date about their interests. Try to learn something from the person. And last, this is a conversation, not an interrogation. Don’t worry about finding out everything right away. A little mystery can be attractive.

Dating later in life can be a lot of fun. There’s no biological clock. You don’t need to confine yourself to the things that may have seemed important earlier (race, religion, age, etc). You have more “me” time now. Making romantic connections around shared interests is great. You can learn to canoe or garden or take an architectural tour of India. I guess you are even less worried about what everyone else thinks because you’ve been there and done that.

So do you still think that just because you’re over 40 you’re over the dating game? Guess again!

Here’s how to get back into the swing of things. It seems superficial, but why not allow someone to fix you up. Get a new haircut. Try a new outfit. Lose a bit of weight. When you feel good about yourself, you’ll be more likely to attract others. It doesn’t have to be a complete overhaul. This is about making you feel more comfortable and confident.

Catch someone’s eye in the supermarket queue and smile. You’re old enough to wine shop, but never too old to get a quickie education from that really handsome man or hot woman holding a bottle of Blossom Hill. Go to the local market or the bingo and strike up a conversation about the neighbourhood. Anything to get them talking!

There are millions of people dating online in Liverpool and beyond, why not check out: www.localxtra.co.uk/classifieds/dating

Get a friend to buddy up with you. Make a rule you both must go on one date a week and then make sure you stick to it. Better yet, get a group of friends together. Have a party, invite your friends, and tell them the only thing they need to bring is a list: Three things they love about your personality, two things that irritate you about the type of partner you choose, and one thought about what kind of partner you should go out with. You’ll gain invaluable insight, some much needed self-esteem and the perfect profile to post. Go to multiple events, try different outlets and remember, the more people you date, the bigger the field to choose from.

Do you have a view on this article? Or are you unlucky in love? Email us! editorial@localxtra.co.uk